People may say that my life is so boring. They may wonder how I manage to be stressed and deal with nearly nothing going on in my life. You may have heard people grumble;  "She says she is busy, but I don't see her do anything."

Well, to me, I believe that my life is perfect. Sure it is boring, I don't go out and social. I don't take my children to places and entertain them. We are usually staying home, watching movies, read books and playing outside.

There isn't much that I require to enjoy my life. I doubt my children ask for much, either. They like how it is, so do I. Sure, sometimes I think it is boring but I am content with how we live.  Indeed, I would love to have a bit more happening, especially when it involve with God.

I know that sometimes my children may be bored out of their mind but I felt no need to go out of our expense to entertain them. Usually it takes really simple action to make children happy.

Granted, I admit that sometimes if people saw how we live, I am embarrassed by it. The mess children or myself or husband have made, the actions that were done around the house, behaviors, etc. but otherwise, I do find my life pretty private.

I know that writing about it isn't much of privacy issue here but still, all you know is what I say. Unless you witness my life, my words are just something I am babbling off about.

I have been letting a friend stay over my place when she was going through some crisis. I enjoyed helping out a friend. But it can feel awkward to invite them into my life and have no privacy. I am not a big fan of letting people see how we live.

Maybe it is because I am not proud of it, or it is just that I grew up private and I got used to it with my children since I am no longer single woman sharing with a roommate.

I am a mother with family  helping out a friend. That is a big difference.

I offered my extra room to a college student to give her a chance of vacation out of her home. She stayed here a lot more than I let my other friend and it was weird. I love her company and I don't mind having her here.

But the comfort, that is for something else. It made me realized that with my family, I rather to leave that alone from people's knowledge. My life and my business is my own. Maybe if we had extra room where it was away from the building, like it own entrance where people don't have to come in the house and interrupt my family, it may be different.

I have always like the idea having roommate or someone to rent out a room to. Maybe some day I will be able to achieve that goal. Maybe some day we will be buying a land, house with a small apartment besides it, all I know is that it's a small dream of mine.

Sure I am aware that people speak of bad experience of having tenant to deal with.

However, I like the idea of helping out a friend. I like to give my friend a place if they needed it. Especially for short time. I allowed my ex-husband stay with us, a bit too long than I should have.

I know that sounds weird, to let an ex live with someone that are married to others, but I have such a big heart of letting people live off of me. I let my mother stay with us for a short time, too.

I have not once experience letting a stranger live with us. I probably won't be likely to have done that. As long as I knew the person, I am willing. And I HATE having to say no or turn them away.

Sometimes my husband got mad at me and would claim that I am being used. Sometimes I didn't discuss with my husband about the arrangement but I haven't intentionally left him out of the decision, I felt that those people are my friends and it's my responsibility.

I tend to forget to say no. And it bugs me sometimes to say no. My conscious would nag at me for a long time. Sometimes I feel guilty to say that. I put aside my own need and offer help or anything I saw fit for others.

People may say that I am selfless, but I feel selfish.

And I find that ironic how sometimes a person can be such a good friend to certain someone, but to others, that person is the worse being.

I like to have the house to myself and the privacy. It is a bit annoying to expose my life and family to others. Though sometimes I like to show off. As long as my house is spotless, my children are behaving and it doesn't seems to be boring, I don't mind company, and I sure don't mind having a roommate.

But now that I am a mother, my house is constantly a mess and my children are NOT angels when I would like them to be...  I learned that privacy comes in handy. Sharing my personal homestyle is like exposing my secret.

I realized because I am dressed in rags, with stains and holes that I  am not proper for guest. I felt pointless to be dressed nicely and professionally when I am constantly getting spit up on, spilled by drinks and food, paint handprints finding it places on my clothing, what is the point of looking nice when it is just my family?

Maybe when my children are grown up to the proper age of caring themselves, keeping up with the housework and that there is no longer unintentional accidents, I am more comfortable letting people live with us until they find their own place.

Interesting how much have changed in seven years since I last had a roommate. I remembered how I love having people over and hang out. I remember loving to have company and sleepovers. I remember how it never bothered me when my roommate brings over her friends.

Now? I am a mother, my children's safety comes in first. Now that I have children, I have their interest to think of, exposing their lives to others is rather risky.

And I am sure that even if and whenever my children are all grown up and moved out, I may still feel the same about having a roommate that I feel now. I would want to spend time with my husband when it is just the two of us. I may want to have a place to let my grandchildren stay over.

Or I may just feel too old to deal with having people living with us. Then again, I probably will ask someone just for the sake of company because I would be bored and lonely.

Whatever that my future may hold, nowadays, roommate seems to be something to think twice about. And I find that with humor.

Years gone by and I still wonder same thing; "Are you my friend?" It is always been something on my mind. While I am trying to get to know people, it made me wonder if the process is even worth my time.

Now that I have children, selecting friends is very important part of my life. Before my children were born, I didn't care of whom I befriend with. If they were harm to me, it would only be  myself I have put in danger.

But with my children, I have to consider their safety. Not to mention that they take up all my energy, I select a few friends because of the fact that people also can wear me out. I need friends, not more children.

Plus, people can be annoying. I used to be such an outgoing loud person that love to put myself in the center of attention if I can grab them. Nowadays, I am considered shy. I observe people more closely before I can actually go out and say hello.

Normally I turned to my friends who knew them and ask about the new people. They would find that strange and encouraged me to be brave and introduce myself.

Slowly I gave up and walked away instead. Finally I got to thinking how to explain why I asked my friends instead of boldly going out and greet people, they began to see my point.

And lately, I listened to people I knew and the stories of what's going on in their lives, I figured, I am no longer a part of their lives. I have my own life, my own family and especially my own friends.

People should considered themselves lucky that are my friends. I know I feel lucky that I am their's. As I have already mentioned few times in my other entries, I am complicated person.

Imagine how that goes in my own head. Just be glad you can just be a friend and not be me.

^.^

The number one best friend I wish to claim name is: God. But I don't considered Him as one. That made me sad.....